y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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