i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
