But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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