you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My breasts were aching with rage.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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