you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK WHALES
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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