I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
