i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
