Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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