drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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