so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
