What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
