Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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