The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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