I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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