I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
