whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
