She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ttyl tear gas
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
