I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
