I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
