I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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