I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
