I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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