Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
