Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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