Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
