Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did I show you my penis last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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