the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
