I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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