We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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