PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
