I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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