with your own penis?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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