i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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