White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
