im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
