So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
