Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Define "chronic" masturbator.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
