Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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