i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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