Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
