Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
