genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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