I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
