like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
