In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
