I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
