i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
