so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
