he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
