Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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