I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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