I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
