I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
