i need an iv and a liver transplant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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