he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
