break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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