she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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