Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
