How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
