The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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