census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
