There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
