I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
