just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
