i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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