i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Actions speak louder than pants.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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