y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You smell like stripper and shame
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm both gender and math confused
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
