If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
