I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
