Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
