u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
