he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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