Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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