in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
