Quick, to the slutcave!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
