i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
