Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize