If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
