I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
