omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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