when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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