Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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