Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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